Hair pulling during quarantine. Oh boy.

I’m here to be honest, and say, this past month has not been the best for my pulling. In reality, it’s probably been one of the worst.

Within the past month, I have spent hours upon hours pulling out one hair after another. Although I’ve landed at a healthier mindset when it come to my hair pulling and subsequent hair loss, I’d be lying if I told you it’s been easy looking at all my new bald spots. I’ve struggled to accept that my hair-pulling is at its highest in years.

For better or worse, this is part of the reality of living with a hair-pulling disorder. You have good days and bad days, good months and bad months. It’s all a part of the journey.

Jumping Back Into Shame

Those who have been following my journey know that I’m not a “pull-free” girl. I have chosen to accept my trichotillomania and my subsequent hair loss as a part of my life. I don’t shame myself for pulling out my hair. If I need to take the time to pull out a few hairs everyday - that’s ok. 

Recently a line has been drawn, and my trich has started to interfere with my day-to-day life. 

These are the moment where it’s so easy for me to slip back into my old bad habits of negative self-talk.

“Look at how much hair you’ve just pulled out.”

“Think of how long that’s going to take to grow out, IF it grows back at all.” 

“Why couldn’t you stop yourself an hour ago like you said you were going to?”

For more about how I learned to deal with negative self-talk check out: How I Broke My Cycle of Negative Self-Talk

Moving Forward

At last year’s TLC BFRB conference, I learned that when you have the urge to pull, it’s your body’s way of telling you that your body’s sensory system is off balance. The sensation you feel to pull out a hair is partially due to a lack of stimulation (ex. boredom) or overstimulation (ex. stress). Maybe you feel the urge to pull because you’re stressed, and so you need to take down your stress levels. Maybe you feel the urge to pull because you’re bored, and so you need to occupy your mind (and your hands) with something.

To read more about the TLC BFRB Conference, check out: Finding My Community at BFRBCon

I can’t really say what’s causing my urges to be so much greater now than they have been, but I’m choosing to take this time to listen to my body.

I’ve been revisiting some of my tools for keeping my hands occupied and my mind at peace. That’s right - time to pull out the fidget toys, crochet yarn, yoga mat, and journal. Time to indulge in a little more self-care and keep on reminding myself that it’s ok to pull. I am more than my hair and my hair pulling. My hair does not define me. My happiness does not depend on whether or not I have a full head of hair or a full set of lashes. My happiness depends on me and only me.

If you’re struggling with your hair-pulling disorder or BFRB, know that you are not alone! There is a beautiful community out here of people who understand what we’re going through. We understand the ups and downs, your best moments and your worst as you navigate your life with a BFRB during quarantine.